You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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