I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
