Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are a genius and a whore.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
