dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
