Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My room smells like vodka and shame
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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