So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize