a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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