Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
