if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
