The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
