so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Couch. On fire.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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