Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize