Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
