So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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