You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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