I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
