You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
