i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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