I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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