i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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