I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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