I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
