census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
