he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
there is glitter all over my balls
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