I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My bed smells like the plague
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
