I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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