So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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