please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I want is dick and wine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
