The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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