question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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