We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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