my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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