I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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