Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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