I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
