There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
