Pants 0. Shit 1.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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