dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
