I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
