I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
