So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize