I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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