Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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