he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to sanitize my soul.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize