I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
