Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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