I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize