20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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