Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
