I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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