hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
