grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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