ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
