OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
