I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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