problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
