No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
