I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
