Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
