I wannas sexs uuuuu
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
