If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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