Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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