Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
