I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
