everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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