some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
