I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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