I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize