They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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