Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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