Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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