I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
