I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
