I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
