My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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