made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
