what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
