I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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