I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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