I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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