He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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