I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
